Living in the Now

RIP Dad 1950 - 2009 I miss you xx

2009-06-20T02:08:00.003+10:00

"Man Of The Hour"

Tidal waves don't beg forgiveness

Crashed and on their way

Father he enjoyed collisions; others walked away

A snowflake falls in may.

And the doors are open now as the bells are ringing out

Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bowGoodbye for now.

Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land

Father ruled by long division, young men they pretend

Old men comprehend.

And the sky breaks at dawn; shedding light upon this town

They'll all come around

Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow

G'bye for now.

And the road

The old man paved

The broken seams along the way

The rusted signs, left just for me

He was guiding me, love, his own way

Now the man of the hour

is taking his final bow

As the curtain comes down

I feel that this is just g'bye for now

(Pearl Jam)

A New Year Indeed

2008-01-04T01:22:00.000+11:00

Well it has arrived, 2008 in all its splendor.

Time to grab life by the freakin balls and have a go me thinks... after 33.5 years you'd think id worked part of it out, or at least grasped some of the rules :)

I am not making promises this year, just going with the flow and seeing where it takes me. Thanks to all who were a part of my 2007, I wish you all well in 2008. May your life be filled with love, peace & all things positive.

When you find youself saying "I want to do that some day" make that some day happen in 2008. Plan for it and make it happen, you deserve it.

Shine

2007-12-27T01:45:00.000+11:00

Soft glow in the distance

Across the wind

Creeping closer.

You smell it before you feel it.

The thawing of the leaves, followed by the thawing of the grass.

Enveloping everything in its path

Then come the sounds

Chirp Chirp

Brighter still

Bright

Warm

Inviting

Life.

And drifts away...

2007-11-04T04:06:00.001+11:00

He stares at what was once beautiful and safe, now just a vast empty space. A sorrow filled tear runs down the side of his face, a place he once felt warmth seems cold and empty.

He slowly moves down the shore till the darkened waters bite at his feet. Ripples on the surface shape the depths below. He moves forward; shivers move through his body and his skin becomes rough with goose bumps. The shadowy waters envelop his body like wet cement, heavy and cold yet deeper he moves.

He turns to face the shore and he see’s them waving goodbye. Although his heart feels heavy he understands. Lying back he feels the water take away his weight and although his heart sinks his body floats and drifts away.

Just dont get sick... Or VOTE for the nurse friendly

2007-10-22T22:29:00.000+10:00

Why? Glad you asked...

Lets steer clear of the gory details and say that I have a condition at the moment that required medical assistance. I went to the Doc and she put me on antibiotics and gave me a cream. A few days later and I got a little worse, went back to the Doc and she sent me off to the hospital with a letter advising them her concerns. She even recommended the hospital, she said it would have the shortest wait in emergency.

I called the flatmates to advise I was being sent to hospital and may not be home for dinner. I then called work to confirm I would not be in for a couple of days.

I was in a little shock but thought they will probably laugh it off at the hospital as some sort of reaction to some sort of chemical. One of the flatmates decided to keep me company so we piled in a cab "Western General Hospital in Footscray please"

We arrived at around 3pm and checked in at triage, the lovely triage nurse took my temperature, pulse check and symptoms run through and asked me to take a seat and he would call me when someone could see me. At around 4:30pm gate number 2 called me up and got my medicare details and again asked me to take a seat. 5pm and triage called me up to advise it may be a while. 6:15pm I was ushered into emergency and asked to take my clothes off and put on a robe in bed 19.

Now you may be thinking how aweful, what a long wait... or maybe your wondering why I have not listed a barage of complaints... During this time 4 or maybe 5 ambulances came in the back door, "code blue" was called twice and for another "possible head trauma, report to theater room 3" ... They were run off their feet.

6:30pm I sent flatmate home and said I would let him know what was happening. I sat quietly watching nurses run from one bed to the next to attend to their patients. 7pm pulse check, blood pressure and temperature. "the doctor will see you soon" 8:15pm and another system check. 8:30pm and the doctor arrives. checks my symptoms, confirms I should be admitted and instructs the nurse to start me on Iv antibiotics.

An orderly and a nurse stop outside my curtain "we're 2 nurses and a doctor down, like we can afford it" and the response "maybe we should all call in sick, at least they cant fine us then" and his response "Just vote Labor, we are"

I could not believe it, these guys were like robots with a smile, hardly stopping to take a breath.

More codes of various colors shouted over the intercom and the tired doctors and nurses answering every call with precision. I did feel a little neglected with my wait times, and with some of the comments of "where did you come from" and the hour long 5 minute waits, but I was far from going to complain.

When I had finally been moved to isolation I got a chance to thank one of the nurses for her hard work before she ran off into the maze of beds and beeps, she apologised to me for making me wait. I confirmed it was more than fine I could see it was a busy night... she said that this was a normal night, it gets busier.

Now I dont know who will be looking after the nurses in the election but I will certainly be keeping an ear out.

Bangkok and Beyond

2007-09-26T04:09:00.000+10:00

So what next? Well the sites and sounds of the city of smiles was alive in my mind. I felt taller and filled with energy and excitement of a little kid. I smiled at everyone and even the small things caught my senses. The smells of the different foods at the vendors on the street to the sculptured trees and the detailed statues and shrines. One thing made me ponder early, the city seemed so clean and yet there seemed to be no rubbish bins on the streets at all, a culture that takes pride in their city, there religion and their monarchy.

On almost every corner there was a shrine to buddah or to the King and Queen. Buildings hung the flag with pride. People wei'd to the shrines (even when they were driving hehehe) and on some people left insence or gold leaf as they walked past.

It was amazing to see this ongoing daily respect to the Thai heritage. Flags flapped proudly in the breeze and it seemed to me that the ongoing respect was not just for show but a way of living. It gave the place an energy that i could feel under my skin, bought a smile to my face and I found it so easy to show the same respects.

Random pics off the internet

The food in Bankok was just amazing. Take it from someone who nearly did not go to Thailand cause he thought he hated Thai food. I could not believe it; the most amazing colours, textures, presentation, attention to detail and most of all the explosion of flavours in every meal... and even the snacks. Hot and spicy, sweet and sour, crispy and smooth. I ate fresh seafood (I must say I prefer our crustations (although their oysters were magnificent), assorted rices, crispy fish and in one meal I was even able to out chilli Melly :) I also ate a Nacho burger when I reached Hua Hin that was to die for... But more on Hua Hin later (sorry Simon).

I wanted to experience all that Thailand had to offer but feel that even if I stayed in the country for a year I would still be only able to scratch at the surface. Having Melly and Dusty there to share the experience was great. We dined, we shopped and they both protected me from the unrelenting show pushers "It's happy hour, you come for ping pong"... Yes it was happy hour all day long :)

Patpong Market (random Pic of Internet)

Patpong Market; not a huge market to say the least; located in Bangkok's principal red-light area, spilling over onto busy Silom and Suriwong Roads. During the day it looks like every other street until early evening when out of nowhere the market springs to life. products are varied and cheap if you know how to bargain. We started to get the hang of it. Most things started at 1800 baht or 1000 baht, to some unsuspecting tourists, shoping here could be quite expensive.

Patpong on Google Earth

I always found I had gone to low if they let me walk away. I would try the same trick they played on me... They would start at 1800 baht and i would start at 200 baht and we would work from there. It helps to have an idea of what you would pay for the same item back home and figure it out from there.

Everything has a price in Bangkok. I was warned of a few things before I came, some I wish I threw away as they may have restricted me a little and the others were common sense in the end :) One experience though that had me laughing for hours was the "happy finish"... Let me just say that I was looking forward to the cheap massages everyone had told me about but had not had the courage to get one for the 1st couple of days due to "happy finish" warnings.

I finally decided that if I went to one of the professional spas ajoining the shopping centre I should be ok. NOPE; 1st Thai massage and yes; an offer of "happy finish" for 500 baht... Just my luck and let me say they find it hard to take no for an answer, the guy seemed offended I had said no but smiled when I gave him a 300 naht tip and got dressed... no "happy finish" for me, I was content with the massage.

I hope this was a different type of happy finish for you... I have heaps more to share :)

OMG - an uncle to be again...

2007-09-21T01:42:00.000+10:00

Thats right; my sister is pregnant again, well they said if they had another they wanted them to be close... maybe not this close.

But when you see moments like this you realise that no matter what your intentions; things happen for a reason and your life can be blessed at any time...

Sawatdee

2007-09-08T11:35:00.000+10:00

This is how Thai people say hello, Sa-wa-dee is how it sounds. Now I was a little confused when I was there when saying hello and goodbye, when to wei and when not to wei. Now you may be asking what is a wei???

Glad you asked.

A wei is where you bring both hands together in front of your chest and bow your head ever so slightly (not a complete bow like the japenese, almost like a nod of appreciation). This is usually done at the same time as saying Sawadee. Now before I left I read up a couple of websites that advised me not to wei to everyone as a wei is a sign of respect, usually used by someone of lower stature of the person they’re wei-ing to.

Hard to get a picture of someone giving a wei, I found this one on google images

Once I was there though I found it too hard to resist some of the time. I found though that I got a great response when I did and it did not seem to embarrass anyone like some websites would suggest. Other sites suggest it is rude not to return a wei to someone. I found that whilst some of my research before I left helped, keeping an open mind helped more. Some of the warnings I got from people actually possibly restricted some of the things I did through being too cautious.

My advice is to just use it sparingly and not all the time, I found sometimes acknowledging with a nod, a smile and a good morning I received the same in return.

Now; sawadee… Not always as simple as that. Some would say sawadee ka and then others sawadee khrup. Before I left to go to Thailand my understanding was that if saying hello to a woman it was sawadee ka and to a man, sawadee khrup.

When I got there though, a lot of the people were saying sawadee ka to me. Now either they assumed my sexuality and were having their own little joke hehehe or I had read the wrong websites. Rather than get it wrong, I stuck to just sawadee. This was a polite way of saying hello although it is said to be the informal way.

After more research at home I have discovered what I assumed after a few days in Thailand is that when a woman says hello to someone she is not familiar with or who she may not know well it is said as “sawadee ka” and a man for the same reason will use “sawadee krup”

Once a person gets to know you or feels comfortable with you they may start to use the informal hello which is just sawadee.

Now I was told and also read that you should not point in Thailand as it is very rude to point to a Thai person, even with your feet. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone pointing in Thailand so this advice seems to have merit, use open handed gestures instead. Also in the temples there is signage that confirms not to point your feet at Buddha or point to Buddha.

Also from google images, he reminds me of my nephew :)

And another piece of advice was not to pat people on the head. Thai people see the head as the highest part of their being and would not see the gesture as polite at all. The feet being the lowest part of the body should never be anywhere where the head rests.

Now; some of you may be thinking “what a boring post” You won’t think that if you ever get to Thailand.

I will be writing more about what I got up to in Thailand in other posts. They will be more like the last one below... chat soon

Back from the land of smiles...

2007-08-31T17:36:00.000+10:00

And was it ever. Wherever i went in Thailand there was someone smiling...

Bankok (BKK) airport; what can i say, very sterile, clean and tidy but also a little confusing. After what seemed like a 2km walk to get to passport check and baggage claim where you get the once over and directed to the exit. Then you're out amongst the noise & commotion of the gaggles of taxi drivers all bidding for your custom. I had pre arranged transfers (which i recommend to any 1st time Thailand traveler) and all I had to do was look for the Travel East sign and I was directed to my driver.

Airport Shot

Everyone told me that Bankok smelt bad so I prepared myself for the worst when the airport doors opened. I never noticed it, i mean sure their were parts where it certainly did not smell like roses but you can find these odd smells anywhere in any city. What i noticed when the doors opened was that i instantly began to sweat when the wall of heat hit me. OMG it was hot; a tropical heat though that apart from my dampness i did not find it too bad at all.

On the way to my hotel I noticed how clean all the concrete was, now i know some of you are thinking im a freak but in Melbourne it all would have been covered in graffiti and tagging. The whole time i was in BKK I only saw one piece of graffiti, im sure there was more somewhere but it was just something i noticed.

I arrived at the Narai hotel where the bell boy seemed happy to see me, grabbed my bags from the van and escorted me to the check in counter, this unfortunately was to be one of the rare places where i did not find a smile in BKK. Iwas then shown to my room, it did not look like the photo on the website but hey it was a roof and a bed which was all i needed. The room had a safe that could be locked with pin or credit card, this was good for a budget hotel room. The bathroom was nothing to rave about and the hot water made showering interesting to say the least... It seemed to have a mind of its own, I think it was effected when people flushed or turned on the taps in other rooms. I got used to it though. Now I would not recommend this hotel to the first time traveler, great for a buget but my experience was overall not a very pleasant one.

View from my hotel room

For me the hotel should have been a santuary from the hustle and bustle of Patpong BKK. I mean you expect to be hassled by the Tuk Tuk drivers, taxi's and peddlers on the street but in the foyer or out front of the hotel... this cheapened the experience a lot and made me feel uncomfortable from the beginning. after unpacking and showering I decided to go for a walk and see what i had gotten myself into. I also wanted to see if I could find Mel & Dusty's hotel as they were in BKK as well and I knew it was not far from mine. I would have called them or sent them a text but my roaming was not activated, Vodafone took a couple of days to get it right.

Night view from my hotel room

4 people at the front of the hotel asked me if I wanted a taxi, I politely declined saying i wanted to walk and get a feel of my surroundings. They seemed to think this was a strange thing for me to do. I escaped the front of the hotel to then face the gauntlet of tailors trying to drag me into their shop with the promise of "the best deal for you" and Tuk Tuk drivers trying to sell me 1-2 hour tours for 10 baht/ 20 baht or 100 baht. WOW, I enjoyed the Tuk Tuk drivers though, they knew most of the time they were going to be knocked back so they would start conversations with me about where i was from. The seemed to do nothing all day and parked on the kurbs in packs lazing about and talking with their friends but then they also seemed to be buzzing around through traffic annoying any driver they could. Loved them, bless their cotton socks.

Tuk Tuk Gang hehehe

I walked down Silom Rd, one of the friendly Tuk Tuk drivers had politely told me where i would find Mel and Dusty's Hotel the Dusit Thani and it was not far. I worked it out that each and every person had something to sell me or were happy to talk to tourists, I then got to Soi 4 and a lady with a moustache stpped me telling me it was happy hour and showed me a card with sexy thai girls for my pleasure, maybe a ping pong show just for me. I politely declined and she followed me. I told her again I was not interested and she left me alone only for a guy on the oposite side to pick up her trail. When I declined his girly offering he then offered me boys, I declined, he offered me younger boys, I now firmly declined showing my distaste of his offering. he almost ran away.

It was down this end of Silom Rd that I really noticed the aroma's of the stall cooking. all sorts of meats and vegitables on offer. So tempting but i was not yet bold enough to try, fresh fruits everywhere and juices in bags. Stalls with all types of clothes and goodies for sale and heaps and heaps of smiles.

Garden Space at the Dusit

OMG it was awesome, the colors of BKK were alive and I found myself becoming more relaxed with my surroundings. I found the Dusit and called up to Melly's room, Dusty was sleeping but melly and I met in the lobby and had an iced tea at My Bar that was to die for. Melly even took a photo of one for Simon :).

After we had our refreshing tea's Melly and I agreed to meet up later for dinner after we had all relaxed and refreshed. I caught a cab back to the Narai (40 baht) and relaxed a little, excited to be on holidays in a strange city where everything was new and fresh to my eyes... I was ready to experience the world, after a few hours in BKK I was hooked on Thailand :) you win Simon hehehe.

I have so much to write about but this is all for now :) Although a big thanks goes out to Melly and Dusty for helping me to have an awesome holiday, you guys rock.

30 days and 30 nights

2007-08-01T11:26:00.000+10:00

Today is the first day of my month off work, i've done it... ESCAPED!

So what are the plans?

Today - Get old :) pick up passport, pick up holiday tickets and get a massage as a treat.

Tomorrow - 13th August; do as little as possible, relax and unwind

14th - 23rd August - run amok in Thailand with 6 days in Bangkok and 3 days in Hua Hin. My first time out of Australia and I cannot wait.

A week to recover & maybe do some job hunting

Then back to work.

Pressure cooker

2007-07-09T03:34:00.000+10:00

Flushed of spirit, vagueness sets in. He tries to concentrate on where he is and what he needs to do but he feels himself drifting. A sense of floating out of his body, no-one or nothing to draw him back in and as he looks down on what appears to be an empty shell, he wonders what draws him away.

Is this not where he wants to be? has he finally moved on from what he thought he wanted or has fatigue just finally set in?

Each time he floats further away. The further he moves lighter he feels. Sometimes hoping he could break completely away, leave it all behind and float away. To not feel the density his body holds. He feels the pressure building time and time again, he grows tired. The more tired he gets, the more he tunes out and the further he floats away.

He wants to feel light, to leave what weighs him down and move on. His spirit holds such love, such passion that is wanting to be released but he finds he no longer has the energy to release it... He needs a change, a break.

He draws himself back in. Reality is where he needs to be. He knows at the moment he seems blocked to the point of exhaustion but he has found the release valve before and he knows he will find it again. Reality is what he wants, he is where he needs to be and when the pressure is off he will be free once more.

Baby Tia

2007-06-14T20:45:00.000+10:00

Baby Tia Jae (aka Bubbles) was born Saturday 2nd of June, isnt she gorgeous!!!

She is my baby sisters little girl xxx

Night Crawler

2007-06-04T02:06:00.000+10:00

Hey Guys, I have not been blogging a lot of late… just have not had the focus, motivation or drive.

I have had a lot of nothing on my plate topped with a few dashes of family issues, job issues and then back to boredom. Then recently sort of got promoted, then not, then development promotion at work… this was dished up with a roster of late shifts. Need to settle into the new routine before I get my spark back.

So I seem to have defaulted to night crawler, tiptoeing about the house when I get home at midnight to avoid waking the flatmates. The nights are different, quieter and colder than I remember but peaceful in a way, but I do get a little bored, I need to find some new things to keep me occupied. I may even join a gym if I can get off me arse in the mornings now that I have them to myself.

I do hope to get back to blogging soon as well as my painting, get the creative juices flowing again to bring a bit of life in through the windows.
Hope life is treating you all very well,

Shane xxx

Look Inside

2007-05-05T03:54:00.000+10:00

I wish you could see into my world; not so you change the way you feel, but so that you can understand me better. Why I do the things I do and why I am the way I am.

I wish you could step inside me and feel what I feel, my memories become yours, and you know what it is about me you could never figure out. See the world through my eyes; is it a different view from your eyes? Do you feel my aches, do you know my pains or do you feel my smile?

Lie down and dream my dreams then tell me what you think. Are the colours more vivid or the stories the same? Am I having nightmares or adventures? Do I really dream or is it my mind chooses not to remind me of what I dreamt about?

I want you to feel my emotions and listen to my thoughts and afterwards tell me; what’s real? Maybe for a moment if you were me; could you understand the parts of me that I don’t understand? If you felt my pain, would you cry?

If you could enter my soul and understand my very essence, would you trust me? Would you share my passions, my love, my joy and my knowledge or would you choose to ignore them?
You see me from the outside; I can only share with you what I know of myself. I don’t ask you to understand what I don’t understand.

If there was one thing I would ask you to do… trust my intentions are always guided by my will to be a good loving individual. xxx

WHY?

2007-02-13T01:13:00.000+11:00

Misunderstandings and a bunch of words bring forth a mix of emotions and poor decisions. An argument begins; a simple statement then a twisted balance of people’s thoughts and emotions spill forth into the arena and the battle ensues.

I sit at my pc now with the sting of salty tears welling up in tired eyes, not emotional enough to let them spill over ; mind racing with so many thoughts. How easily I allowed myself to be defeated with anger when all along the point being made was valid and the basis for my reaction flawed. Id love to say that it was fuelled by something as simple as withdrawal from nicotine or poor sleeping patterns but deep down I know these to be the easy excuses, the way out so to speak.

Why did I such a vivid reaction over something as petty as household chores? I felt like a liar when really I had not thought about what I was saying, I honestly thought that what I was doing was enough and that there was no issue. Was I wrong, my anger made it an issue and rather than a mild altercation… the gladiators entered the arena each armed with their different and valid points, the unnecessary battle had begun.

All I had to do was apologise for my reaction and the battle would have been avoided. Pride? Stubbornness? No stupidity; I was angry and I expressed this openly and whilst I agreed that maybe my reaction was uncalled for it was how I felt at the time… defensive and angry. Words said in anger, I swore! More words said in anger and whilst I apologised for how this made them feel I would not apologise for what was said. I was expressing my anger.

I was honestly angry, I felt I would not be honest if I apologised for expressing that anger with words; so I apologised for how my words and actions made them feel. Insincere; this is how it came across. I felt shallow, insincere was not my intention. I could calm it now… Just say sorry… calm it down… just say sorry! I couldn’t do it, I was not sorry for saying the words, angry words for an angry situation.

The battle raged on, possible invisible wounds inflicted but what valuable lessons have been learnt, were any lessons learnt or do I only hope there was reason for the battle to lessen my own guilt or embarrassment. Calm words spoken and battle fizzles and we exit the arena. Was there a point or was it my ego? Battle over?

Thanks for putting up with me and I am sorry it got this far; I sit here now with these words to speak… no-one to speak them too.

Pride

2007-02-11T17:12:00.000+11:00

What is my scene? Where do I fit in? These are questions I started to ask myself on the way back home from the midsummer festival on the train. I really wanted to relax and enjoy the afternoon but when I arrived I found it to be crowded and commercial, nothing really caught my eye (apart from a few hot guys)

People wandering aimlessly in circles with tents flying banners “save this charity” “save that business” or “stop this disease” what ever happened to the midsummer CARNIVAL? The carnival used to be a community event with rides, shows, dancing & ATMOSPHERE… Then again, maybe the atmosphere was there and it was more likely that my heart was just not in it.

Clubs; they always seem to be loud and full of fun… what if you don’t dance? Then like me you tend to end up sitting off to the side watching everyone else dance and smile when someone tries to strike up a conversation over the ear bursting beats, are there any normal pubs out there with a few pool tables and some cold beer? All the ones with gay guys seem to adhere to the Kylie club mix rule and well again, just not really my scene. Don’t get me wrong; I like going to a club occasionally, I just wish there was more variety and choice.

AHHH the internet, where guys say they want to strike up a conversation, their profile says they’re looking to meet guys for possible relationships but not long into the conversation your asked for your body stats including penis size and how you like to fuck. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is great news and can lead to an adventurous rendezvous but rarely these types of encounters result in a lasting relationship. Besides that; most guys are looking for model looks, chiselled features and a 12.5” penis. I admit that I have an idea of my type when it comes to looks but if they can hold a conversation that keeps me interested, what’s the harm in a coffee or 2 and seeing what clicks.

Then there are all the other types of venues open to those who want to have anonymous sex amongst other things. Again the people who enter these venues seem to wander aimlessly looking for their god with the enormous ego boosting serum, chasing the hottest piece of meat in the place until ungodly hours of the morning where they will settle for the reasonable cuts that are left. Once called the silent movie where talking would cause you to receive the death stare from other patrons.

Now this is not a whinge, nor is it a judgement on what other people call fun. I’m sure guys have met their partners in many different ways and I am totally happy for them, it’s just me commenting on how I seem to sit on the outer of the gay lifestyle wondering where/how to meet people without having to pretend I enjoy what the lifestyle seems to represent.

I am no stunning god and I don’t think I ever will be, I don’t have a 12.5” penis and I don’t think many other guys do either. I am just me, someone who would prefer to go on a picnic somewhere with friends, cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie & enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer rather than the hustle and bustle of conformity

A ramble of no substance...

2007-02-07T19:26:00.000+11:00

A rocky road travelled with all its twists and turns, Mind clear then ravaged with thought. Torn in every direction, mind fades and thoughts become laboured. Where do you look for salvation?

Lacking inspiration yet full of passion and spirit, yet spiritually there are no answers. A smile holds truth yet can’t be believed; which path to take and what road lies ahead? Be it that you stumble you gather thought and mend your wounds and fate so it seems carries you forward, FATE? Could it be destiny, a path laid out before you began the journey, is this possible?

Changing thoughts change your direction; once spiriling down reaching for new heights, at the top some may feel there is only one way to look and for others the world stretches far, so it seems destiny changes.

A hope, a dream we hold tight has no more meaning than the strength you give it. Stay true!

Another Year Fades

2007-01-15T20:21:00.000+11:00

Another year slides away... the memories, the laughter, the tears & the other emotions that flooded through me at one stage or another.

I am thankful for all the people who played a part in my movie that was 2006, for those who have been re-cast in 2007; I look forward to sharing my life with you. To those who were not given the 2007 script… the years about love, happiness, positivity & honesty if this sounds like your sort of movie then hopefully you will find a way to re-cast yourself when you’re ready.

Then there are those who will make a new part in my blockbuster movie, I look forward to meeting you and sharing with you...

Peace, Love & Giggles to all. xxx

Where am I?

2006-12-18T22:02:00.000+11:00

I am constantly searching, yet I have also sat and waited. Presented with many options, each moment I make a choice that takes me in a new direction. Yet my heart still aches and my body becomes tired and heavy.

Each morning I wake with a smile and drag the energy I need from within to climb out of bed and attempt to spark myself to life. Motivation draws wary and my heart becomes heavier still.
My passion inspires me to be energetic and positive; my surroundings chisel away at my exterior until weakened. I push forward sometimes drawn by promise I feel lighter and more alive.

Deep inside I still hear the roar, a low growl then silence. He knows I am looking, no; hunting for him. He toys with me; sometimes I feel his breath on the back of my neck to tell me he still breathes so that I don’t give up searching. He teases me with his courage and his pride, cunning and playful he roars in the distance, laughter and then silence.

Tomorrow I will awake with a new day ahead; I will again pull myself together and face another day head on. The hunt is still on.

Dry Those Eyes

2006-11-28T18:55:00.000+11:00

Sometimes an earthquake ruptures deep within sending a tsunami of tears to the shores of your eyes. The cause of this wave of emotions is not always clear and you are left with tears rolling and crashing down your face like the rapids of an untamed river. You cover your face with your worn hands hiding the noticeable devastation left in the wake of your own natural disaster

Your clothes flooded and eyes ravished, uncontrollable emotions spill forth as you struggle to regain your composure. Your lips tremor with the after shocks as you draw breath deep into your lungs and release it with a sob and then a sigh.

Uncover your eyes and look to the stars, see them mould together as one in your tears, see the universe swell together in a brilliance of white. Be free and feel the cleansing wave wash over you.

Dry those eyes, you just needed to cry.

Three Meme

2006-11-27T20:34:00.000+11:00

1. Three things that scare me:

Really Angry People
Myself sometimes
Mariah Carey

2. Three people that make me laugh:

Troods
Jen
Mariah Carey

3. Three things I dont really like:

World Hunger
Nasty Horrible People
Mariah Carey

4. Three things I don't understand:

Nasty Horrible People
World Hunger
Mariah Carey

5. Three things I'm doing right now:

Listening to the telly downstairs
Thinking about who i am going to tag to do this
Playing holdem poker online

6. Three things I want to do before I die:

Visit Africa
Own a Boat
Go Hangliding

7. Three things I can do:

Smile
Walk
Be Thankful

8. Three ways to describe my personality:

Opinionated
Tactless
Logical

9. Three things I can't do:

Fart my ABC's
Burp my ABC's
Pretend to like Mariah Carey

10. Three things I think you should listen to:

Good Music
People who make you happy
Your Heart

11. Three things you should never listen to:

The Government
Damien Leith
Mariah Carey

12. Three things I'd like to learn:

landscaping
anything creative
Spanish or Italian

13. Three favourite foods:

Seafood
Chicken
Carbonara

14. Three beverages I drink regularly:

Water
Coffee
Juice

15. Three shows I watched as a kid:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
He-Man & the masters of the Universe
Astro Boy

16. Three people I'm tagging (to do this):

The Lone Rangers
Chewie
Scorpy

because i could hehehe

NEXT OF KIN

2006-11-19T22:52:00.000+11:00

We all hold family dear to our hearts, we all tend to have an unquestionable love for those we were born into companionship with; and most of the times we tend to hold a feeling of love for our family no matter what they do or what part they play in our lives.

At the throne are our parents. For most we have our mother and father, some they have one parent for whatever reason. We look to them for guidance and they shape and help mould us into young adults and then the reigns are handed over to us to shape the rest of our lives as we see fit. (Although most of us like to take the reigns a lot sooner)

Why is it then that it seems to me that a lot of people shape their lives based on the residual energy their parents leave behind, for some this leads to what they feel is a very happy path, for others they spend their life following or fulfilling their parents hopes and dreams and not their own. I have had many friends who went to uni or Chased down a successful career just so that their parents would be proud.

Then, for those of us who have siblings, we tend to look out for them and hold on to a need to protect them and do whatever we can to make their lives as safe as we can. I’ve known people who have gone into school yard battles that had nothing to do with them personally, but it did have something to do with family.

It’s like an unwritten law that if they're family you're supposed to love and forgive them forever no matter what. The question I have just started to ask myself is why? What gives family a free pass in the way they treat you? I for one felt there was a time for the free pass but there comes a time where this pass has an expiry date and for some of my family I have stamped it EXPIRED!

I could go into stories here as to why I have come to this conclusion, stories that may sway your view to side with mine. My reasons are my own though and I feel that no matter who the person is; to have them in my life they should hold the same virtues that I look for in my friends.

I do love my family, I hold each and every one of them dear to my heart but this does not mean I have to be their friend or that I have to respect the way they treat me or have treated me. I have taken a step back and if they wish to renew their pass or take out a new membership then my doors are always open.

Now; I know I am far from being perfect in their eyes either, But I have at least been open and honest in telling them my reasons for doing what I have done – Now it’s up to them!

A Most Amazing Gift

2006-11-14T21:05:00.000+11:00

On Saturday night i received a fantastic surprise from the almighty and spectacular Chewie.

A TICKET TO SEE THE AWESOME TALENT OF PEARL JAM

with support from Kings of Leon

I had the most amazing night i have had in a long time. Kings of Leon were on when i arrived and was led to my seat. I was hoping to enjoy my first ever mosh pit but found on arrival that this is a thing of the past at these type of venues (public liability scores the death of another experience)... to ensure this; they had seated the entire floor... No matter.

I was straight into it, Kings of Leon were a great sound, i had never heard of them before now but enjoyed their sound (indie/rock/grunge (oh and the 2 guitarists Matthew and Jared were hot).

1/2 hr break... then the all inspiring sound of Pearl Jam. Growing up i secretly had the hots for Eddie Vedder (lead singer) and although i pretended to hate their music to annoy my little brother i truly found it awesome.

I had hoped all day yesterday that it would be a long concert with all my favorite songs, i was not disappointed... the song list was varied and kept me shouting for more. Even though Melbourne park officials turned on the lights Eddie and the band kept playing until they were finished.

It was a great night that took me back many years to a place i had long forgotten (take away the Bee Gees beard and Eddie is still very hot). This was such an amazing gift that helped me to recapture a small part of me that i miss a lot... THANKS CHEWIE :)

SCOTCH

2006-11-04T22:49:00.000+11:00

Tonight I feel numb, no real thoughts or feelings. I feel numb; shear emptiness, a void of all feeling. Any thoughts I do have are but a glimpse into reality for a brief moment and then gone.

They succumb to the empty void that has overcome me; the emptiness breathes a sigh of relief. Is this why you did it? Is this what freed you from your thoughts all those years. I knew what you went through was painful and I guess I underestimated the power the drink had over you or maybe I hoped we were worth more than your own situation.

I never held you responsible; I always knew that what you had to deal with was way too much for you to bear. One thing I ask is why you did not seek help? Why did we all go through what we did?

What did you give me? You gave me strength, you gave me wisdom without study, and you gave me life. You held your head high and you stood strong. You gave me life experience when all else failed.

Yes at times it was easier to end it all, to leave and not come back. You; you were one thought that stayed my hand.

To others this will have no meaning; to me and my glass it holds all emotions.Pour me another and maybe I will weep; maybe I will laugh... guess we will have to see.

2006-11-02T21:39:00.000+11:00

I’m staring and I wait in hope for you to emerge, become visible and whole before my very eyes. I have been told you are there.

I close my eyes and try to visualise you being there, to see what others see; only darkness. I call out to you to come forth and show me you exist, share yourself with me like you have with others in my life; no sign, not a glimmer.

I start to wonder if you are real. Others can see you, you show yourself to them and they tell me you exist. Some beautiful things have been said about you, it makes me want to meet you, to know you, to be you.

My eyes open and I find myself staring back at me from the mirror still in wonder. Where are you? Why do you hide?

I just want to fly away and be free

2006-10-26T19:00:00.000+10:00

I arch my back and feel my shoulders ache; I close my eyes and imagine a set of wings with silken black feathers sprout between my shoulder blades. I spread them wide and give them a shake and allow the air to rustle each feather until they're all light and fluffy.

I stand tall and proud, such a long time since I released them from their confines, at first they ache, the nerves set in and I wonder if they still work, what if I fall? Trust... I must trust.

I walk to the edge and look out far into the distance, I spread my wings again, slowly raising them up and down, feeling their strength as my blood forces its way through each side to their very tip; they fill with life. I start to move them gracefully up and down as I feel myself lift so gently from the earth, nerves set in and I allow myself to drop. My eyes erupt with tears and like hot lava they slowly flow down my cheeks, where am I going?

I walk to the edge again and look down at the ocean of outcomes wildly thrashing about below me, each with their pros and cons. Am I to old? Have I lost my nerve? Will they still work? So much fear, where does it stem from?

I close my eyes within my vision and allow my imagined soul to visualise leaning forward. Again I raise my wings and this time I allow myself to dive forward racing towards the ocean below, just as I am about to fall victim to my fears I stretch my wings out wide and allow the wind to lift me into the open air; raising me higher and higher. For now I am in bliss. The warmth of the fading sun setting in the distance bathes my face with a welcoming peace.

I glide out across the ocean and notice that the closer I get to my intended destination the ocean below seems to calm, my choices seem easier and the outcomes become but a ripple.

I snap back to reality, wipe my tears and take a deep cleansing breath. I know I will be ok, tomorrow a new day… a step closer to taking my leap for real. Maybe next I will swim in my ocean and become accustom to its depths…

Today I smile.

2006-10-17T21:47:00.000+10:00

http://www.getup.org.au/index.asp

Some of you Aussie readers may find this site interesting :) If you feel you can also sign the petition on global warning...

The real Australian Idol

2006-10-16T21:44:00.000+10:00

Not a big fan of the show or the concept but wanted to comment on one Bobby Flynn who was voted of this evening much to the shock horror of all 3 judges and the 2 hosts.

I should say i am shocked but know that most votes are cast by the teenage girls and lets just say that Dean Geyer and Ricky Muskat should be very thankful; they must find out that musics not about good hair, acrobatics and a cute face.

Bobby is more than just a distinctive voice, I suggest to do a search and have a listen if you can (im not sure how to post a sample). I found his originality helped him to stand out but his passion and energy captivates you and draws you in. Its not often you feel someones voice travel up your spine and and your able to feel the song someone sings but for me Bobby has done this.

The songs he has chosen i have heard probably 100 times before but never with as much spirit however it was not just the music. When most people are faced with their elimination from this show they shed a tear and seem devistated... Not Bobby, he smiled and said "im sure this aint the last you have heard from Bobby Flynn" and then gave an awesome performance of of Fleetwood Macs "Rhiannon" with the Bobby twist.

I will definately be looking for his first album.

I went searching on the net tonight for a photo to add to this post and found out that Bobby almost made the finals for "Rockstar Super Nova"... Not sure how he and Tommy Lee would have mixed but hey... read the article!!!

Australian Idol

I am happy Bobby can do it on his own and "does not fit the template" that is Idol

Whatayaknow?

2006-10-10T20:53:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I enjoyed watching people from a distance (not in a creepy way). Watching the way they move and the way they interact. Sometimes a fleeting glimpse gives you such an understanding of a situation and a first impression of a person’s inner workings

Discovering people’s inner essence, what motivates them, what makes them tick. It surprises me sometimes how you can build an impression of someone so quickly and find that in a brief moment, a captured glimpse of something can change your opinion just like that.

Is it that they build walls, show you want they want you to see? Or is it that you build your impression of them from what you hope they are or how they're going to fit into your life? I’m sure it’s really more complex than that, isn’t it?

I was sitting here at work and started to wonder; do people watch me and wonder what makes me tick? What first impression do I give out?

Each day we change and whilst often people form an opinion of whom a person is and what they stand for, they don’t often look to re-evaluate their opinion on a regular basis. Is this because they believe we actually never do change?

What about the people who form an opinion of someone just because of what they've heard or what someone else has told them. Can you really dislike someone that you know nothing about?

Next time you say you don’t like a person, ask yourself how long it’s been since you checked in with them, have they changed? Are they still the kind of person you came to dislike? Is it really worth the energy it takes to dislike them?

Or has it come time for us to build relationships like a drive through at a fast food restaurant where you settle for whats dished up in front of you because its too difficult to turn the car around and drive back through?

Spring has Sprung

2006-10-07T23:44:00.000+10:00

After checking out Rangers Post on FALL in New England

I was inspired to show what's going on on this side of the world

Wandering around today taking snaps, the colors of spring are here.

The smell of spring is also here

I enjoyed taking these shots

Walking around the neighbourhood

I hope you enjoy them

SNAP!!!

PEACE!!!

Flower Power!!!

FRESH!!!

Grand Final Fever

2006-10-01T16:28:00.000+10:00

Well its all over for another year for the AFL. The West Coast Eagles were victorious and the cup goes to reside in the west until next season.

1 point was the margin in a thrilling match that in the last quater of the game you could not pick who was going to be the greater side.

Sydney swans go home at least knowing they came close, If only they got going a little earlier in the game the outcome could have been much different, hats off to West Coast and their coach, they put in a blinder.

There is always next year - GO BOMBERS!!!!

Tonight is the rugby grand final clash, Melbourne Storm against the Brisbane Bronco's... I am no fan of the game at all, dont understand it at all. But go stormers none the less!

something lost

2006-09-28T19:10:00.000+10:00

The park filled with screams of laughter and of a most amazing joy, the kids running and playing, so full of innocence and love, no fear, they climb, they swing and then whoosh down the slide.

Stomping & stamping in puddles on the walk home from school, soaked to the bone, sliding down a muddy hill. Looking for lizards under rocks, bugs and butterflies & walking the dog.

Hide and seek, climbing high trees just to know how far you can see. Collecting shells and chasing the waves; splashing & Building sandcastles for everyone to see. Picking flowers and watching bee’s, falling down and grazing your knee.

Flying a kite and playing with toys, there is no real difference between girls and boys. Holding hands no thought or no care of what anyone else may think. Keeping frogs in the bathroom sink, your harshest words are “you stink”

Drawing and painting, counting to 10; so clever now you can sing your ABC’s. Carrot for Easter bunny, milk and cookie for Santa and don’t for get to leave some hay for Rudolf and his friends.

Scared of the dark or the boogieman, I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am. Money for teeth, recycling drink cans for pocket money.

Riding your bike you’re faster than anything in the whole wide world, except for superman or maybe batman’s car. Making up stories that you can fly, crying and weeping when the goldfish dies.

Making mess and baking cakes, going to the milk bars for 25 cents worth of mixed lollies and sharing with mates. learning to whistle making mistakes, these are all things your encouraged to take on.

On and on until… can you do overtime!

is it just wind?

2006-09-21T23:24:00.000+10:00

For some; a sense of urgency to close up shop and get inside, they also enjoy the fresh joy a storm brings but they’re safer and happier to remain in doors and wait for the storm to pass before venturing out into the clean crisp stage the storm has left behind.

Then for some the fear is too great and they find themselves looking for the nearest bunker no matter what. They lock themselves inside and board up the windows every time. Their pulse starts to race for the fear of the unknown, they would rather a storm never existed.

You never know what severity a storm holds as it approaches, sure some you can predict like cyclones and hurricanes; but even they fizzle out sometimes and do nothing but bring much needed rain to the parched land and may in fact do more good than harm. The logical thing for most people is to be cautious of storms until they know exactly what the storm has in store for them before they decide on what action they would take.

Sometimes a storm can be electrifying and bring with it such a change that a person’s life will never be the same again yet you find this person outside every time they hear a thunderclap, they hope and prey for the rain to drench them through, so much so they dance and dance in the rain feeling the energy build inside like no other energy they felt before, its like each storm they face is one that brings a new dimension and an new strength to their way of being.

For each person they have a choice as to what action they take when they hear the storm warning and I suppose their choice brings with it their personal experience, this is their experience and no-one can truly know the way they felt at each moment of this experience. Can you really ever truly understand another’s true feelings unless you experienced the exact same storm in the exact same way they did or can you really only ever try to understand and share in the description they give you?

Maybe the next time a storm approaches I will choose to react differently and take a new approach or maybe I will remain the same, the true fact is that I will continue to make my choices and from there will come my experience.

2006-09-20T02:00:00.000+10:00

"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains,

at the huge waves of the sea,

at the long courses of rivers,

at the vast compas of the ocean,

at the circular motion of the stars,

and they pass by themselves without wondering."

St. Augustine

BETSY

2006-09-18T18:13:00.000+10:00

She was beautiful, dressed in perfect blue; I must admit it was the blue that captured me from the start. She had a good shaped body with all the right curves. I ran my hands over her smooth buff body feeling, my fingers gliding across her buff outer. I entered her slowly, realised she had not been around the block often and took a deep breath of her scent; I called out for my partner to hop in as well… hehehe

About 10 years ago I was in the market for a car so me and my partner at the time went car yard hopping in search of the perfect fit. Being an excited 22 year old all I wanted was a small car that looked good, did not have to be a boy magnet or anything as I had my boy at the time.

This was where I met Betsy Barina, an 89 model Holden Barina that was in great shape and had low K’s. At first she seemed a bit girly to me and was not really what I wanted but boy helped convince me she was worth a spin. So I took her for a test drive and then called my dad to see what he thought. Dad came and had a look and SOLD.

For about the first 2-3 years she was perfect with no issues at all, then I remember her starting to go a little crazy, she’d run perfectly and for no reason and with no warning she would stop in the middle of an intersection, she was out to kill me, what had I done wrong… this is when I gave her the name Betsy, after the character Kimberly on Melrose Place when she went mental, called herself Betsy and blew up the building.

I stuck with her though and she stuck with me, for a car that’s almost 30 years old she has never really let me down. For most occasions she started first time and if I had have been a little more kind to her I think she would have survived possibly another 30 years.

But it saddens me to say that Betsy has today been put out to pasture where she will either become someone’s spare parts or she will be given some spares of her own and be reborn for someone else to play with.

If you’re wondering why I am writing about my car, only for the memories she holds.

What a Great Day

2006-09-16T03:38:00.000+10:00

Today I rose with a buzz in my step, I was heading down the coast to be pampered and spoiled. A quick shower and a bite to eat for breakfast and I was off, oh even the weather was perfect for the drive there that would take about an hour and a half down the freeway.

As I got further down the coast I could feel my body becoming lighter and it felt easier to breath, I took some deep breaths; the smell of the ocean air, the clear blue sky and the comforting warmth of the sun… I started singing along with the radio and let life’s cares float away.

I arrived with perfect timing; 15 minutes before my appointment just as the booking lady suggested. I was given a robe, a towel and a locker key and was directed to slip into something more comfortable and when I was done I could wait for further instruction in the relaxation room (bit like a doctor’s waiting room but with peaceful music and more comfortable chairs).

I was then guided down a hall filled with all sorts of aromas coming from the different rooms. My guide opened a door to my private spa room where my Dead Sea mud bath had been drawn, a deep breath and my nostrils were filled with a mixture of essential oils that had been mixed with the mud and a light smell of the mineral water. The room was not very large but my eyes were fixed on the double spa that was soon to be all mine.

My guide gently reminded me to drink plenty of fluids as she pointed to the decanter of chilled water beside my heavenly spa, she pointed out the hot and cold taps where I could regulate my own temperature or give my spa more depth if I so wished, she advised me that the mud would disperse and showed me the control for the jets, the volume control for the relaxation music that was being piped into every room, then wished me well and left the room.

I turned the music volume up, placed the towel in the rack provided and let the robe fall off my shoulders and sink to the floor, I removed my underwear and stepped naked into the murky warmth of heaven. I felt a shiver run up the back of my legs and then straight up my spine till my brain tingled. I felt the muddy sediment squish between my toes and already I felt my spirit lighten as a light breeze brushed my skin from the small window opened next to the spa for fresh air.

I pressed the button to kick start the jets and swished the mud with my feet and sure enough it all dispersed and the water then gently lowered myself into the murky depths, the heat ravished my cool skin until my body succumbed to the 45 minute abduction of my aches and pains, my stresses… my 45 minute removal from existence. My mind went blank as I floated somewhere far far away.

I don’t remember much after that, somehow I was dressed and sitting out on the decking in the café having a green tea and a fresh juice before starting my drive back home (well it seemed like I floated home), I did stop once on the way home to sit on the beach and watch the waves lapping at the shore, a flock of gulls dive bombing a school of fish, I sooo did not want to come back… but here I am.

AFL and all its glory - a post for Ranger

2006-09-16T02:45:00.000+10:00

The Playing Field & positions

Quick facts:

The ball is an oval shaped leather ball

The AFL has 16 Teams, the play 8 games drawn at the start of the season in a fixture of 22 rounds in total before the final series. there are 10 victorian teams, 2 from WA, 2 from adelaide, one from sydney and one from brisbane.

Each team has a squad of about 30 active players per year however each team can only play 18 players on the field and are only allowed 4 interchange players on the bench (sideline). These players can be changed whenever the coach wants to or to replace an injured player should this occur.

The positions for each player is listed above, each team has a player for each position with of course their backs depending against the other teams forward etc etc.

To start the match a field umpire bounces the ball in the centre of the field (this is not always a straight bounce but it is accepted as part of the game) and the 2 rucks jump at the ball and attempt to deflect the ball to one of their team mates, usually a rover or centre.

The players must either kick or handpass the ball to another player and can at no stage be seen to drop or throw the ball as this will result as a penalty.

If a penalty is awarded then the closest player to the penalty or the tackler is awarded a free kick.

A handpass is where the ball is held in the palm of one hand and punched with the other. This cannot be done as open handed or it will be called a throw.

A player can run with the ball but must bounce the ball every 10 meters or he will be penalised as “holding the ball”

The ball can be passed or kicked forward or backwards.

If a player catches the ball when it is kicked by another player of either side this is called a mark (sometimes referred to as a speckie if the player jumps high to grab the ball). If the ball is touched by another player before being marked then the umpire will call play on and the ball will be openly contested by each team.

Players do not always have to stay in their positions.

If a player has the ball and another player grabs them or tackles them they must legally dispose of the ball through a kick or a handpass otherwise this is a penalty for “holding the ball” or “dropping the ball”

Tackles cannot be “too high” (above the shoulder). A player cannot be tripped or legged. A player cannot be pushed in the back in an attempt to make them lose balance.

The field has a boundary line the full length either side of play. If the ball rolls out or bounces out of play then a boundary umpire will throw the ball in over his head and the rucks will again contest the ball. If the ball is kicked out of bounds on the full then a free kick is awarded to the other team.

SCORING

If the ball is kicked through the centre of the goal posts (marked G above) then this is a goal and is awarded 6 points. To be a goal it must be kicked by the player going for goal and cannot be touched by another player on the field.

If the ball is kicked between the goal post and the behind post (marked B above) then this is a behind, 1 point is awarded.

If the ball is touched by another player or is rushed through the goals or behinds by another player then a point is also awarded

This is the best I can do at 3:30 in the morning Ranger… I decided you were definately right and that i had to make an attempt to please all people who may read :) ... If you want to know more you will have to have a look at the website and the official rules and download the PDF file

The final series explained

The top 8 teams have made the finals. the top 4 teams will have 2 chances at making the grand final.

week 1 Teams 1-4 (qualifying finals) teams 4-8 (elimination finals)

team 1 (West Coast) plays team 4 (Sydney) - Winner gets a weeks rest/Loser plays next round
team 2 (Adelaide) plays team 3 (Fremantle) - Winner gets a weeks rest/Loser plays next round
team 5 (Collingwood) plays team 8 (Western Bulldogs) - Winner plays next round/Loser is out
team 6 (St Kilda) plays team 7 (Melbourne) - Winner plays next round/ Loser is out

Week 2 (semi finals) (this weekend 15th/16th september)

Sydney (Rest)
Adelaide (Rest)
Western Bulldogs play West Coast in WA - winner plays Adelaide next round/ loser out
Melbourne Play Fremantle in WA - winner plays Sydney next round/ loser out

Edited 17/9 : NEWS FLASH: Dissapointed to say the least... Fremantle thrashed Melbourne and the Doggies were thrashed by West Coast, they were 2 points away from scoring the lowest score ever in a semi final...

GO SYDNEY!!!!

Week 3 (Preliminary Finals)

Adelaide play West Coast - Winner through to Grand Final / Loser, oh so close
Sydney play Fremantle - Winner through to the Grand Final/ Loser, maybe next year

30th of september the 2 top teams battle it out for the premiership flag/cup. The winning team gets pissed from drinking champaign directly from the cup and the losing team gets pissed down their local pub, this ritual is a well known aussie ritual called "drowning the sorrows"

We all get pissed watching it either at a friendly BBQ or down the local pub.

then we all wait for next year when it starts all over again only this time we all hope that the freckin bombers actually win some games hehehe

another reason to watch AFL... The hot guys who play the game :)

Matty Maguire (StKilda)

Where am I? I know where i will be Friday...

2006-09-13T13:32:00.000+10:00

I am heading out to Peninsula Hotsprings in Rye (down the coast) to be treated like a real queen, no seriously :)

I am heading there to sooth away the aches with a...

Dead Sea Mud Bath
Cleopatra’s Secret

A luxurious treatment that suits all skin types with therapeutic benefits for people in need of detox, with stress, muscular pains, arthritis, frozen shoulders or sports injuries. The “Premier Dead Sea Aromatic Body Mud” restores a youthful radiance to your body and soul. This mineral enriched purified Dead Sea Mud is recommended as a natural aid for regenerating and re-energising the skin. It increases blood circulation and makes your skin look and feel younger. It is also recommended as a reliever from pain and aches in joints and muscles.

I will then spend the rest of the day soaking in the natural mineral spa's

2006-09-10T23:17:00.000+10:00

CARN' THE DOGGIES...

Although it pains me to say it (being an avid Bombers man) I do hope that the doggies can take it all the way and win the flag... Thanks Doggies for absolutely SLAUGHTERING the Pies, again they choke in the finals hehehe, no-one likes the maggies hahahaha (except magpie supporters of course).

Next week shall be a battle against the Westcoast Eagles @ home in Subiaco, we can only hope they have the spirit they showed today and then some.

Melbourne play Freo also in the west, I hope the west have a stadium big enought to host crowds in excess of 90,000... the whole thing about going to a finals game is the roar of the crowd and the atmosphere... Although I hope the D's win (being from Vic) I will be happy if its a good game of footy that keeps me entertained.

Sydney and Adelaide now enjoy the week off to rest up...

2006-09-09T21:02:00.000+10:00

You're A Crazy Drunk

When you drink, you get wrecked - and it ain't pretty.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Finals Fever!!!

2006-09-08T22:40:00.000+10:00

BUGGER! St Kilda put in a huge effort tonight but were downed by the D's by 18 points. The game did not dissapoint, its games like this one that show the way AFL footy should be played.

Here's hoping the rest of the games this weekend have as much spark in em'

A roar in the darkness...

2006-08-25T00:20:00.000+10:00

Oh gentle roar from deep within, you rumble away with gentle grin. A knowing that soon you will surface and roar like a lion proud to be standing true. I ache from my toes knowing you’re there, looking for the key that will release you from your bonds and allow for you to spring to the top of your rock.

You roar in the darkness deep within. Knowing that I ache and knowing that I long for you to resurface and take your proud standing. To roar out loud and free as you stand tall, confident and strong. To breath easy the air of freedom; have no reason to lower your head and look towards the ground. You are now longing to point your chin to the sky and pour forward all the pent up energy you have held for so long.

I am on the hunt, a new vigour in my step as I search for you in the darkness deep down in the pits of my existence, tonight your roar goes silent and for now you remain hidden. But I was closer tonight than id been in a long time and I know soon the time will come. I search exhausted, a weary journey, but a journey that will never cease until you stand tall.

Oh Shit - You have to be joking!!!

2006-08-22T22:21:00.000+10:00

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=123515

2006-08-17T20:51:00.000+10:00

"The movie will begin in 5 moments, the mindless voice anounced, all those unseated will await the next show."

"We filed slowly and languidly into the hall…

The auditorium was vast and silent…

As we were seated and were darkened, the voice continued… "

"The program for this evening is not new, you have seen this entertainment through and through, you’ve seen your life, your birth and death, you might recall all of the rest."

"Did you have enough world when you died? Enough to base a movie on?"

The Doors

The heart of the matter

2006-08-12T11:11:00.000+10:00

I was standing at the crossroads wondering which way to turn, each path looking more gruelling that the next. It occurred to me that I was trying to force a decision that has to be made rather than encourage a direction that will lead me to where I want to be.

I sat in wonder, wanting to know why I threw myself deep into my drama yet again and why I allow myself to be drawn back in time and time again. Letting my life energy drain away to a point where I am totally exhausted and why it is that I can’t figure out what it is that I want to do and what the next direction is for me… I realised that the direction I need to take at the moment is deep inside of me, my soul, my heart and my passion.

Too often we look outside ourselves for contentment and for things to make us happy but never do we really look inside and see what makes us tick, what makes us who we are. I for one always find it ridiculous when I strive to achieve something I think I want; but when I get there it holds not what I thought it would and I feel empty inside.

It recently dawned on me that a reason for this may be that what I really want is to know what really makes me tick, what makes me feel different things and why. I realised that I really don’t know who I am and what I am about.

So; the 3D will keep throwing the obstacles in my way and if I keep paying attention to them then I will keep getting blocked. They will only become obstacles to my current path if I let them inside, if I let them challenge me, if I give them the attention they demand. I know that this is all easy to say and the words tend to make this journey sound easy. I know that what lies ahead is hard, if I have not worked out who I am in 32 years then it can’t be that easy.

Just thinking about this new direction I already feel a small spark deep in the pits of my being, a sense of excitement mixed with a little anxiety.

Hi Mr Excitement and Mr Anxiety my name is Shane and i am pleased to meet you. Tell me about you... :)

Crossroads

2006-07-26T23:19:00.000+10:00

I look at the road stretching out straight ahead, from a distance it looked amazing, it had a look that was familiar and yet I knew it would be a challenge; I was excited and looked forward to reaching the base of what presented itself as a natural incline.

As I got closer it looked very rewarding and yet strangely it gave me a feeling of emptiness. Closer still; now I feel anxious and what looked like a climb up a slight incline now looked like a treacherous climb up a slippery mountain. A path I now seemed to dread; self doubt set in as it seemed the only path ahead.

My mind becomes fuzzy and my heart begins to sink, it’s like the life is draining from me with each step I take. This path seems impassable no matter what strength i hold within, I have given it my all and now it seems the challenging hill i looked forward to slowly climbing has now become such a menacing barrier that i have lost all interest in.

I start to climb the mountain and suddenly as if out of no-where; I find myself standing at a crossroad. My stomach tightens and I become tense; no-one around. I look down each path and wonder what each one holds.

To the left; a narrow path down a very steep cliff face. One wrong move and I could fall, I would have to drop everything I carry and take a leap of faith in a hope that the path would become easier further down and that I would be able to rebuild again once I reach the bottom.

To the right; a rocky, slippery path that’s hard to see what lies ahead as it’s blinded by a dense fog. I get an overwhelming sense of self doubt when I turn in this direction, there seems to be many options. In the near distance though the path looks promising but what lies behind the fog? Does this path also hold the same bullshit that the current path holds?

I look back at the path where I have been, it seems quiet, I know this path and it holds no new challenge. I would have to go right back to the start and I would have to run back fast and not stop until I had gone past the journey of the last 6 years at least, back to where it all began. Would I be bored? Could I survive this journey? The destination of this path whilst welcoming it would only be temporary safety before I would have to return to the crossroads.

Which path should I take; the choice has to be made… I cannot linger at the crossroads too long; I must make my choice before my passion has gone forever; before i allow my values to be questioned once again. I cannot go back to that place of self doubt again, i wont.

I am here...

2006-07-25T21:31:00.000+10:00

I wanted to hold you tight. I wanted you to let go of the hurt inside, for a moment, even if for only a single breath; to hold the weight off your shoulders to allow you to stretch.

I wanted to grab you and pull you in, to tell you it would be ok. To tell you it is ok to let it all go; wrap my arms around you and let you feel safe. I wanted you to cry on my shoulder and soak up your tears. I wanted to understand.

I felt your angst, your aching heart. As I looked into your eyes I hoped to see your soul and that you would know that I care and I want it to be ok. Like parent for a child with a grazed knee I wanted to hug away the pain; to kiss it and make it go away.

I know what its like to stand strong and not want to let go. The fear; what if I drop my guard? If I open the gates will I be able to close them again? If I release can I still function?

I am here

JUST A VENT!!!

2006-07-17T20:00:00.000+10:00

You ever have one of those days where you just want to tell the world to go ....

Today was just soooo fricken frustrating, i wanted to scream. so much energy is building up at the moment and its exploding all over the place. It is like the world has been simmering in a pressure cooker for so long that its starting to blow its top. I dont know about you, but i feel it as soon as i step outside, i become all blocked and my skin starts to ache.

No matter how i tried to avoid the negative today it sought me out and i allowed myself to be swallowed up but it. Defenses were down and before lunch time my head was ready to explode. I kept focused on smiling and trying to be positive but i dont think it worked, it just seemed to drain me beyone all else. It was not like the people around me were negative today either, it was just this awful feeling, a dense heavy feeling, lethargic and bloated.

I have decided that soon i am going to run a nice hot bath with some epsom salts, essential oils and candles. I shall allow my aches and woes to soak away and then i shall allow the day to drain away down the plug hole when im finished. Ahhhhh just the thought makes me feel lighter... The venting is over!

Glass Cube

2006-07-11T22:58:00.000+10:00

Today started with a mud cookie of love and his companion ummm lets say ummmm yummy cookie galore, yum what a treat it was with my morning coffee, thanks Miss M – What a start to the day xxx

Lately I feel like I’m in a glass cube, people can see in but I can’t see out. I am numb to who I am and I sit inside my cube confused with my surroundings. I feel so very detached from everything at the moment. A strong sense of change in the air and I’m not sure what I need to do to bring it about. Sometimes I get really excited about what this change may mean, and at other times really nervous.

I sit and stare; words and emotions jumbled in my mind tend to spill out on my screen as I sit here and try to make sense of where I am and what I am doing and where I want to go. Today some really exciting news, one of my dearest friends took a leap of faith and resigned from work, yet another big loss for the dark empire. It was amazing though to see the spark in his eyes, I love him to pieces and I know it was for the best.

At the moment I throw myself into work, I have my energy focussed on the 3d world it maintains, in a funny way it's keeping me grounded and seems to be telling me to deal with a few issues on my plate at the moment, especially the family ones.

Yesterday a brief 2 second call from my niece, all she said was “I’m calling Uncle Shane” and the call dropped out, no call back…I tried to call back, she has changed her number so I sent an email. Last night I got all emotional about not seeing my monsters and my little princess for so long, I miss em.

Family, the one thing we seem to hold dear to us no matter what… It can be the reason for such joy and yet it can tear at the very fabric that makes us who we are. How sometimes a thought of a loved one can bring a smile to your face and yet one moment can cause you such pain that you just want to rip your heart out and throw it down a flight of stairs. Its time to let go and move on… I think I’m done with it.

But deep down I know I’m doing the right thing. Their cycle is their own and I can’t fix it for them, I can only offer my love.

So I sit in my glass cube and watch the people around me. Still confused but overall I seem to understand why I’m here at the moment.

An Inner Peace

2006-06-28T22:14:00.000+10:00

Empty mind yet deep in thought, body tired and muscles taut, I look deep inside for an answer to a question I don’t think I’ve asked. Staring at the ceiling not a conscious thought in mind, restless; a deep breath and a sigh.

Mind still blank I turn to face the wall, my blankets on but my bed still cold. Staring at the wall I wait… what am I waiting for? Sleep? If I am patient enough will the answer jump out at me? Have I even asked a fucking question? I scratch at the surface in an attempt to reveal an answer, maybe I have asked the wrong question? I can’t remember asking a question, am I crazy?

A deep breath, I turn; again I’m staring at the ceiling. I close my eyes and look deep inside. What is it I am looking for? Something’s calling to me but from where? Its like a low hum from the pit of my stomach, I try to focus my attention; it’s gone. I open my eyes and again find myself staring at the blank white ceiling. I turn to my side and pull my pillow close, holding tight. Bed still cold and my body aches.

I close my eyes and embrace the darkness. I jolt my thoughts to a special place; a place where I sometimes go when I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I can see myself walking the track, as I near the gap in the orange plastic safety fence I can hear the waves crashing against the cliffs. I step through and walk towards the edge. I love coming here just as the sun goes down, watching the sun drop from the sky until the ocean extinguishes its spark for another day. I reach the edge and find my crevice; I sit down and lean back, staring out across the water.

I start to recall one of the best times I was here; I had watched the sun fade away when the wind started to pick up, the waves crashing against the shore. Far off in the distance; a flash of lightning followed by a crash of thunder. I felt a stirring inside, I love stormy weather and I felt myself smiling at the growing energy from across the bay. It started to rain, a warm rain, I tilted my head back and let it hit my face. I remember standing up and opening my arms, the wind hitting my body, I felt so light, I wanted to jump… to fly out across the water, across the ocean, to feel freedom. The storm got stronger and nature displayed its magnificence; its rawness and pure energy. I felt so alive, standing on the edge of a cliff drenched from head to toe; I remember how cleansing it felt, so electrifying.

Back in my room I smile; in my mind I stand arms open against the wind on my cliff, this time I jump. At first I head towards the rock below at amazing speed, just before I hit the bottom the wind lifts me and I glide across the surface of the water, I scream my release as I soar across the water, tilting back I rise high into the sky, I feel alive. I close my eyes and feel the wind as it rushes past my face, I stretch my arms out, they have changed, and they are now wings covered in golden colored feathers. I feel the energy coarse through my veins as I fly out across the ocean.

Looking down into the water, I start to wonder what’s going on beneath the surface… why wonder. I point my body towards the surface, racing down at tremendous speed I breach the surface and instantly I feel myself transform, I breathe in the water and look at my outstretched fins and with a whoosh of my tail I feel free. I’m in awe of my surroundings and I feel a sudden inner peace, like I belong here. I hear a calling and a sense of being home, being safe. The water caresses every inch of my body, it feels warm although I know it would be freezing if I was in human form. The deeper I go the more peaceful I become, an instinct tells me to return to the surface and breathe; then down I go again.

Beep’ Beep, Beep! Ocean gone… no wings to fly, reality sets in. time to draw my old carcass out of bed and get ready for work

Memory Flash

2006-06-27T22:08:00.000+10:00

I find it funny how a smell, a place or something someone says or does can trigger a landslide of memories and the emothions that go with them. tonight a friend of mine wrote in her blog and it started me thinking about Peter.

Peter is a boy I met at a pretty full on time in my life... It was a time where i did not really care to much for me; thats another story for another time though... We met by chance and well lets just say boys will be boys - several times hehehe afterwards he walked me to my car we held each other and he whispered in my ear "I really enjoyed meeting you, can i see you again?" I played the cool kid and lent back against my car, pulled him in close and told him id like that.

From one sentence i have sat here and thought about the good times Peter and I shared and the part of my life i shared with him... although things did not work out (definately my fault there) we had a very big impact on each others lives. I still think about him and he brings a smile to my face... another time maybe and things would have been different.

I realise I love him and although he is not in my life at the moment he will always be special to me :) just wanted to share...

Monday's Blog

2006-06-19T22:00:00.000+10:00

He rolls over and opens his heavy eyes; a deep sigh escapes his parched lips. He pulls the covers up, it can’t be that time already he only just closed his eyes. He closes his eyes again and hopes it’s just a dream and that he won’t have to face what lies ahead.

He feels the slight discomfort deep in his lower abdomen and knows that soon he will have to step out into the cold morning, nature gives him no choice. He lets out a deep sigh and pushes back the covers, the cool air hits his flesh, he shivers and his body breaks out in instant goose bumps. For a moment he thinks about reaching for the phone and making the day ahead disappear… he looks back at his bed, still warm, sooo tempted… no… no he cant, he mustn’t.

Flush; he then steps back, turns and is confronted by his tired face in the mirror… he stares at himself for a moment in silence, rubs his face, shakes his head and the thought of grabbing the phone crosses his mind again, he smiles and opens the shower door. The water bursts from the taps and he adjusts the temperature and steps inside. He takes a sharp breath as the water hits his skin… Hot hot hot, the heat of the water collides with his cold skin, his body pulls forward, for a moment the water is too hot, reflex action.

He steps back, closes his eyes and lets the water flow from head to foot, he feels safe. He lifts his face to meet the streaming droplets, takes a deep breath and smooths his hair back with both hands. He leans forward resting his weight on one hand against the shower wall and he lets the other drop down by his side. Another deep breath, he wants to stay here for ever, so warm and so calming. He snaps back to reality and grabs the shampoo, massages it into his scalp and allows the foam to run down his back, rinse and now to wash away the night, grabs the soap. We’re done here. He steps back out into the cold morning, grabs a towel, dries off and then over to the sink to brush the teeth.

He steps back into his room, looks at his bed (now cold)… where’s the phone? NO NO NO – BAD! He slides open the wardrobe and scans for the right outfit for the day ahead. No not that, too small. That won’t fit. That ones too tight. He hates his clothes; they all make him look too fat. He looks at the mirrored door on the wardrobe, where’s the phone? Get over it he thinks to himself, get the fuck over it.

He finally decides on an outfit, a spray of this and roll of that and an array of fragrances hit his nostrils all at once, his body shivers. He grabs the hair gunk and rubs it into his hair, this way then that way – he can never get it right. He heads downstairs to the kitchen where he grabs a big glass of water. Should he have breakfast? Nah can’t be fucked. Shoes on and heads for the door. He smiles as he opens the door and he says to himself “GET FUCKED MONDAY, I WIN AGAIN”

Superman Declares He Is Not Gay

2006-06-17T19:10:00.000+10:00

Superman is not gay and neither am I, says the handsome American actor (Brandon Routh) who plays the superhero in the latest Hollywood blockbuster based on his adventures. (Nine MSN)

Oh well, im sure he just hasn't had the right man yet. I can put a bigger smile on his face than lois ever could. I can play the villan very well hehehe, no need for him to wear his suit either.

Inner War

2006-06-17T18:08:00.000+10:00

It courses through his veins like a virus, seeking the passion, his inner spark, he fights hard. It mutates and grows stronger and stronger. He won’t let it win; he can’t let it win… he holds strong.

He has always known that there was a contagious bug going around, he has had it before. He thought he was now immune; he had built a resistance to it in the past, He has fought this many times before. This one feels different somehow; stronger, he wants to stop the spread and attempts it at every chance, this only weakens him and the virus grows stronger within. It eats away at him piece by piece; it starts to attack his mind, his ego runs rife. His mind splits and starts to argue with him incessantly, over and over. So much so he doubts his intuition. He has fought this before and won, this time its stronger, it’s mutated… no longer is it just his ego and his mind… this time it’s attacking his core.

He is tired, so tired. Others see it in his face, he holds strong as he does not want it to spread any further. It can’t take hold he wont let it. He looks to his heart for guidance and finds the defences are holding but they are weak; how is it getting in? The virus makes a charge at his values, his integrity is challenged, what does he do? Without his values system he has no more defence; it will take over and he will lose the fight. He won’t give up, he can’t give up.

He looks tired, he sounds like a victim, MUST FIGHT. He grows angry with himself for letting it take charge again. He has to do something about it, it’s hard to build a strategy with little passion left and his heart being challenged so much but he can’t let them win. He looks to the mind for assistance, poor choice; it’s ravaged; paranoid, and the ego wants to take over but he won’t let it. He must search deep, the cure is somewhere within. He has beaten this before and he isn’t going to let it win again. No way.

He can give up, he can take a step back to regroup; how will this help the others who are putting up a strong fight of their own? Bullshit; how will taking a step back help him to stand up for what he believes in and build his offence? He won’t be the victim; he won’t sit back and be forced to conform, to let it take hold. It can only mutate if he lets it, it can only take hold if he focuses all attention to it. He has passion, he has spark. The virus may have forced his life force to retreat and hide, for now.

He is aware; so many cures are on offer. Some he can wait for them to be tested and the others he can’t. He must beat back the fury of this virus before he succumbs. He will reclaim his values and push his way forward. He can’t stop the spread as he was never contagious anyway. He can only show that the virus can be beaten, the cure is something within. He hates being the victim; he won’t do it no more. He must take charge. He hears the chant in his head over and over FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Already he feels a stirring; his inner army is building and forming their ranks. The assault will soon be ready. He can afford to make mistakes as they will help him learn to reinforce his intuition, he then wont need to defend. He will learn to rid himself of the virus once and for all. He will grow strong. His heart is beating fast. A deep breath and a tear rolls down his cheek. No more excuses, the time is right.

harpoon a human

2006-06-17T11:25:00.000+10:00

But Japan and its allies say some species of whales have recovered, and can be hunted in a sustainable manner. The say science should decide, not emotion.

"There are enough whales for those who want to watch them and for those who want to eat them," Morishita said in a briefing paper. "The situation is not different from a farm tour with a BBQ lunch." (ninemsn.com.au 17/6/2006)

If we subscribe to this mentality... are humans not more dominant in numbers than whales? enough to watch and enough to harpoon and feed the dogs.

Indifference

2006-06-17T00:19:00.000+10:00

I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone
Watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
Oh, I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam
Oh, I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...
How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make, yeah...

I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
Oh, I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
Oh, I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
Mmm, how much difference does it make..how much difference...

I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
How much difference
How much difference
How much difference does it make
How much difference does it make

Pearl Jam

Before, Now or Later?

2006-06-12T20:05:00.000+10:00

So many things racing through my head it’s like a smash up derby; with thoughts going this way and that way, colliding from all angles. Shaken & dinted they move on and on until they can no longer move any more.

We’ve all heard the sayings “practice what you preach” and “Its easier to give advice than take it” Well tonight I found myself giving and taking my own advice whilst offering a friend my view.

I suddenly clicked that every moment is a small lesson; we learn and we assess ourselves on the outcomes of our decisions. The outcomes we face each day may not be what we intended but with each passing moment we move on to the next with some sort of change occurring, more often than not the change is so small we notice nothing and with others the change is so profound its overwhelming to the point of exhaustion.

This thought again made me think about a book that I am currently reading for the second time tonight. The first time I thought about it was when reading another friends blog. The book is “the power of now” by Eckhart Tolle. The book looks at the notion that people create their own suffering through living with the past or longing for the future rather than living in the present moment and taking it for what it is.

At first I found the book a little preachy and difficult to read (easier to give advice rather than take it). I have since found the book one that I will study for several reasons. Tonight it seems to fit with my confusion and seems to highlight how so often we miss what people are saying… not due to lack of listening but possibly due to us only hearing the words and not thinking about why you were hearing them and what they actually mean for you at this time.

Several other thoughts crossed my mid this evening, escaping the carnage of my inner derby. As I walked past a new restaurant on the way home I noticed how much I thought the décor to be a little tacky but my inner voice reminded me that this was someone’s creative vision and instead of my focus staying with my first thought I now found myself thinking about how proud this person must feel and how excited they must be that they will soon be opening the restaurant and sharing their vision and dreams with the hope of success.

I smiled and walked on home with my MP3 blaring away… Now I found myself daydreaming (evening) each song seemed to have me starring in their video clip, a single man walks silently along a suburban street mouthing the lyrics as the world passes by.

“Realise deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”
Eckhart Tolle

2006-06-07T22:39:00.000+10:00

6 6 6 The Number Of the Beast (the date says it all)

2006-06-06T21:05:00.000+10:00

"What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things." (unknown)

Where am i going with this post... (in the voice of wise old yoda) "Being tested is what i am"

Louis: "How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful, magical? Our white skin, our fierce eyes? "Drink" you ask me, do you have any idea of the thing you will become?" (Interview with the Vampire)

What if i dont want to sell my sould to the devil? who will help me row across the lake if i do? (simpsons anyone?)

"You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough." (Dr Evil)

"Houston, we have a problem." (Apollo 13)

Donomlus: Now, what is your mission?
Evil Robot Bill: First, we totally kill Bill & Ted.
Evil Robot Ted: Yeah, then we take over their lives.
Evil Robot Bill: Then we utterly destroy 'em. (Bill and Teds Bogus Journey)

Customer : "An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition! It's not just saying 'no, it isn't'!"

"Pro" arguer : "Yes it is!"

Customer : "No it isn't!!"----- Monty Python live in the Hollywood bowl

"Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?" (joker)

"You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." (Tyler Durden - Fight Club)

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." (Tyler Durden - Fight Club)

Armand: "The world changes, we do not, there lies the irony that finally kills us." (interview with the vampire)

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realise the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. - (The Matrix)

"Do we have to sell our souls? why is it that the devil is the only buyer when its for sale?" (unknown)

Captain Jack: Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to commander one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, rape, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasley black guts out. (pirates of the carribean)

"Where do we go from here" (unknown)

Reward? Recognise? Pacify?

2006-06-03T21:27:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I was told for the next 2 months I will be leader, so why was I not jumping for joy? Why after all this time was I finding it hard to show excitement for the opportunity? Have I finally lost the passion or was it that I could not see past the fact I was taking over the reigns from someone who has also fought so hard. Maybe I read too much into it, after all it’s been a draining few weeks and I am very tired, so very tired.

I have worked long and hard, not for a title or a pay rise but because it’s what I do. It’s definitely a little kick in the guts that some people feel that I have been given this opportunity for non deserving reasons, maybe even just to shut me up or to stop me from resigning. To these people I say; “you don’t know me at all.”

I take every opportunity for what it is and I will put my all into it. I like to develop myself I like to help others develop as well, I will even help anyone who wants the role any way I can… after all; I pushed for this role to remain a caretaker role to give opportunity to others. I also told Mr TL that whenever i get opportunity, I like to know it’s due to my abilities and my work ethic and not for any other reason.

To anyone who thinks otherwise; prove me wrong! and to those people who support me and are happy for me, I am greatful.

I now look forward to the next 2 months and am eager be motivated and to prove it to myself I can do this. I have massive shoes to fill Mr S and I hope I can continue what you started; I tilt my hat to you for your leadership and professional attitude you have kept about you at all times, even the dark ones.

I have a great group of people to work with and hope I do a great job for them over the 2 month challenge.

Opening the Windows

2006-06-01T22:43:00.000+10:00

Lately it’s been getting cooler and cooler. The windows get closed tight. There is still a draft so then the door gets closed. The room is shut tight. People try and enter the room but the room’s shut tight. The cold air cannot get in. It takes too long to get the room warm.

The people still try to get in. The rooms still cold and it seems to be getting colder. But its shut so tight, where is the cold coming from? The room gets dark, now the air becomes a little stale. The cold can not be getting in anywhere, no way in, the rooms shut tight. Where’s the warmth. Why is it not getting any warmer?

The people still try to get in, the air is now old and the room seems smaller and darker. Where is the warmth? It has to come; its so damn cold now, why is it so fucking cold? Why is the cold getting in? Where is it getting in? The curtains are closed, the room is dark, and there is no air.

The people still try to get in, they push the door, and it won’t budge. They knock and knock; no answer. They go around the room, they push the window, they pull the window; nothing. Should they give up? They should; the rooms shut tight. There seems no way in.

They try again, they slide the window, and the window opens. They knew there was a way in. The fresh air fills the room, the curtains open and the light rushes in. The door opens; the room seems larger, brighter.

The room gets warmer. The windows are open, how can this be? The windows are open and the air outside is cold, but the room gets warmer.

The windows are open.

Try this - You won't be disapointed

2006-06-01T21:00:00.000+10:00

This may well be the best damn cake you ever make. I found this delicious treat on a trip to Freeburgh (near Bright), I wrote about it in my first blog entry.

Banana Baileys & white Chocolate Cake

28cm round fixed cake tin (greased/floured)

3 cups of sugar
500gm butter
6 eggs
4 cups of plain flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
3 mashed bananas
1 cup of Baileys Irish Cream
2 cups of white chocolate dots

Cream butter and sugar
Add eggs and beat well
Add bananas and baileys
Fold in flour, baking powder and white dots
Bake at 180 degrees for 1hr or until firm

Chocolate Ganache

2 parts Chocolate (white/Dark/Milk)
1 part Cream

Heat until chocolate melts and you have a smooth icing consistency. Dribble/Smooth over cake, refrigerate until set.

Enjoy!

Tidbits from the 1st of August

2006-06-01T00:10:00.000+10:00

So here's what you do - go to Wikipedia and pop in the date you were born, leave out the year for a broader selection of interesting facts.
Then you post - Three Facts. Two Births. One Death.

1498 - Christopher Columbus becomes the first European to visit Venezuela. I hope he enjoyed the holiday

1774 - The element oxygen is discovered by Carl Wilhelm and Joseph Priestley. Well what the hell were they breathin back in the days before then??? Hehehe

1981 - First broadcasts by MTV. The first video played was "Video Killed The Radio Star" by the Buggles. When are they gonna top U2 "Zoo TV" tour?

Births

1555 - Edward Kelley, English spirit medium (d. 1597) - Spooky

1936 - Yves Saint Laurent, French fashion designer - Where's my PRESENT!!!!!

Deaths

1977 - Gary Powers, American spy plane pilot (b. 1929) - Austin's Dad Maybe? Yeah baby YEAH!

How Evil are You?

2006-05-26T14:37:00.000+10:00

You Are 48% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

I cant be this person they want me to be; Not if i cant be me...

2006-05-25T23:24:00.000+10:00

How can people be so plastic and yet still be so happy in life, so fake. I wonder if its deliberate...Do we choose to shut off our feelings so we dont get hurt? why do some people hurt others so that they may feel better about themselves?

You see it every day, walking contradictions, they will get angry at someone for their race and yet donate money when tragedy strikes the same race they hate... does this balance it out for them? Why is it that people can be in love one minute and want to kill each other the next, want to spend their lives together and then never want to see each other again.

Why lend an ear only to use what what said againt the same person who said it? Make conversation only to gain amunition. why are these the people who seem so happy, is it they have no morals and they dont care? Is this what we're evolving into?

I really need to stop watching the news,

It is moments like these i am thankful for the people in my life who really matter, they show me there is hope for us yet.

Matters to me!

2006-05-24T21:42:00.000+10:00

"Flippin' Mental"

It amazes me how sometimes the smallest gesture or someones kind words can stick with you and mean so much. More than you know; the things you do can really reach inside and touch someones heart and soul. A friend has done this more than once and i want her to know it has meant so very much to me. No words i can write here will describe the impact she has had xxx

I have some pretty special people in my life, some who i never knew were there until recently. I have really been lifted by each of you and want you to know if you ever need ANYTHING...

Thanks

2006-05-22T21:26:00.000+10:00

The picture to the left was taken tonight in my garden out the back. The flower is one from a cactus plant that I was given to me from my grandfather’s garden many years ago, soon after he passed away. Looking at this plant always brings a smile to my face and i thought i would post it in a hope that it brings a smile to all of yours.

I am finding it hard to write anything at the moment "monkey mind" (head full of thoughts that wont sit still)... so I thought id share with you some of the shit that keeps me sane at the moment. I don’t see me painting the roof of a chapel anytime soon but I it is something that I enjoy.

What the? Where the? Who did what now

2006-05-17T11:21:00.000+10:00

The last 2 weeks have really tested my patience. I feel totally weighted down, heavy and bloated with no real understanding of why. It has felt like everything that I had recently resolved in my life has come undone and done a back flip and everything I thought I had obtained has now slipped from my grasp; it feels like im back in the 3d game and all the rules have changed and someone threw away the rule book.

Late yesterday I got news of a rumor that a permanent TL position had become available at work and that only 2 people were getting the opportunity to apply. I did not allow myself to be caught up in the gossip and decided to wait until today and have a quiet word with my TL. Unfortunately soon after arriving at work this morning I found that the day was DOWN FOR THE COUNT IN THE FIRST ROUND, no chance to confirm the rumor just yet.

I was then surprised at my lack of shock when the announcement was accidentally released to the team that one of the candidates had been successful in acquiring the TL position; the position that only a select few in the business knew was even available! Maybe it was the fact I never had much time to think about it that stopped me from getting angry and bitter, maybe I have become so immune to the never ending disappointment the place has dished up for me in the past that I did not seem to care very much or maybe its the other things going on in my life currently hold more importance and have tired me out so much that I just don't have the energy for it. I cannot hold the way that management choose to conduct their business against Miss K and I sincerely wish her all the best of luck in her new role.

For a business that publicly announces they're looking to better engage their employee's ummmm, this is not the way to do it! I personally feel that I would have liked someone to have at least had some courtesy to sit down and advise that the position I have been constantly expressing interest for was on offer and either allow for me to at least apply unsuccessfully or explain why they felt it unnecessary for me to apply... ok so I do have a little bit of anger now that I have had time to think about it...but tomorrow I will express my concerns and then get back to chewing on my old bones, Sigh! I must say though I was glad not to be a TL today.

Mr S, I hold such respect for the way you conducted yourself today, today you again showed true leadership! I personally feel that you have so much more to offer don't need no title to earn the respect of your colleagues.

On a different note... Tonight i let the emotions flow, my brother set me off. We have not argued since we were teenagers and tonight we argued about the smallest things like they were the end of the world, no matter what i said he felt the need to attack or defend. No matter what i said or how i tried to say it, we just fueled each others fire and frustrations; the family pride and stubborness we share was not going to allow us to understand where the other was coming from and we ended the call in anger. The i started to sob uncontrollablyabIy, i could not stop. Why did i find it so hard to tell him i miss him and his family, it was easy after the call ended. I think i need sleep.

Here Boy, Here Boy... Good Dog!!!

2006-05-12T13:04:00.000+10:00

He has jumped through hoops, he has sat when he has been told, he has never peed on the rug and yet they still make him sleep outside in the fucking cold. The same old bones are still constantly offered and when its convenient he is allowed inside to play and to be entertained... But still there comes the same kick in the head and back out in the cold when they are done playing their games, when they have had their fun.

Here boy, Here Boy - Good Dog!

He still stays in hope when he hears talk of new bones and some tasty treats on the side so he still savors the old bones and shows loyalty by sitting at their feet. He is constantly being asked why?, why don't you bite them? You have the teeth; bite them! But its the same answer he gives, what choices does he have? He could run away but it seems the same old bones are offered elsewhere anyway. He stays positive and tries hard not to whimper in their presence, he still sticks up for them when the others say they're not worth it... His heart is losing the battle though and he does not know how much longer he can keep it up.

Here boy, Here boy - Good Dog!

He still remains loyal, he still fetches the stick but now he occasionally snarls. He stops from biting them as he still for some reason believes that they are looking out for him even though the bones are getting older and crustier. He deserves no special treatment and tries not to expect it at all, If it were not for the false temptations of tasty treats and side dishes he may be content with the old bones and the occasional tasty treat. But it gets harder and harder for him to chew the old bones when they seem to show no loyalty in return and they show him the tasty treats and new bones that could be his.

The others show gratitude and tell them he does well, he gets a new collar and soon maybe a new bed or toy... This is better than nothing. He is grateful for what he has, he is content with who he is and he knows he is one of many so he sits at their feet waiting for the next bone.

He continues to entertain himself in whatever way he can and tomorrow he will lick his wounds and clean himself up and by the time he see's them again he will be happy to jump through hoops and sit when he is told as he is content with who he is and what he has. Should he be?

Good Boy, Good Boy - Good Dog.

Just a thought

2006-05-10T20:52:00.000+10:00

It feels like an eternity since I gave up smoking and today I sat there wondering why I gave up. Was it for health reasons??? I seem to be coughing more, I've started to use my asthma pump more than I have in years and I have put on the weight I had recently lost... I must say I don’t feel healthier for it yet.

This got me thinking about society and the pressures we face daily to conform or not to conform, do we ever seem to rid ourselves of the school yard term "peer group pressure"?Society tells us it's unhealthy to smoke and that the cost of smoking is huge when you consider the health issues that it creates yet they still put more money into the fear based marketing in attempt to scare us out of our addiction than into researching alternatives to the poisons contained in the product or education programs at schools.

I then started to bombard myself with questions and issues. At school some kids learn to hate sports when the sport of choice is one they may not be so good at causes them to be teased and put down by the school yard jock. The teachers tend to call this "character building" I call it discrimination, why not have a variety of exercise choices that kids learn so that they can all have the opportunity to find one they like... yoga, aerobics etc etcWe are all taught to study hard, get good grades and find a well paying job so that we can enjoy life.

Today I was walking up puckle street and passed a group of 20 something’s at a cafe' arguing and bitching about how one of them had their dole payment cut back by the government and he could now not afford his new jacket for this weekends party... another talking about the 3 clubs she went to on the weekend and how trashed she got.I took a good hard look at these kids all dressed in their top brand clothes (each one with the pricey brand showing) sipping their latte's and short blacks laughing/bitching and having a good time whilst I slowly dragged my carcass back to the office for another 4 hours shackled to my desk.

Normally this type of scenario angers most people and they tend to make comments like "those bludgers are spending my hard earned tax on having a good time" I too have made similar comments but not today. Today as I wandered into work I thought... Are they just saying NO to the peer group pressure, going against the grain? Maybe they're the ones we should be following and getting back to basics (yes for those thinking logically... I know if we all went on the dole the 3d world would go to shit) What if they have got it right?

I really thought about my life for a moment. I’m 31 and have an enormous debt, I got this debt through various credit cards, interest free, bank loans and gambling... all the things that employment allows for us to afford, but when the employment stops... the interest does not... so you take another loan, you get another job you consolidate and start again. Would things have been different if you were never able to get your fist credit card?

So we get a job, we get stressed about money, we hope to get paid well and that each year we get our cost of living increase or maybe if we’re lucky a promotion or a better paying job. We get annoyed at the ever increasing petrol prices and the $100 shopping docket we hold for the single bag of groceries. Before we know it we're 65 and scared shitless that the kids are not going to look after us or worse... that they will not be able to afford to look after us.

society travels like this day in and day out and I wonder... have the kids at the café got it all worked out?Don’t get me wrong, my journey has been my journey and I don’t regret my past as its made me who I am today... but today I wondered what if we just said "NO MORE" could you live with what you have? Could you be happy knowing you don’t need to have a house and car to be wealthy? Is it the stresses of every day life that keep it all interesting?

I for one would be very happy living on a small self sufficient farm (well as self sufficient as possible). To wake up in the morning in my cosy warm toasty bed (with or without a significant other) knowing that I will be spending my day tending to the animals and the vegi garden, cooking the day’s meals, head into town to trade for the essentials, have a stand at some of the farmers markets, maybe work a part time job of choice (if needed) to pay for the essentials (I don’t think I could wipe with gum leaves) and most of all live a simple life with the challenges I create for myself.

What the fuck was today all about???

2006-05-08T19:24:00.000+10:00

I dealt with arseholes all day and then the last call of the day was one of the best i'd had all month GRRRRRR I think i will just go to sleep tonight and wake up as if it never happened. why did i let myself get angry? and to all the angry fuckers i dealt with today... Im a person not a piece of plastic.

OMG what look is Grettle going for tonight, its a bit Sheryl Crow V Tammy Wynett OMG i am watching big brother.

Ash (right), its something about his cute dummy bloke attitude that draws me in :) and Gaelan (below) looks like a big cat... look at his facial features closely & im sure you will see it.

But again i must say that not one of them seems really really interesting as yet but i find myself watching and commenting like everyone else who says they dont really watch it.

Well now im sitting with my headphones on drowning out every part of today with the Chili Peppers at the moment the song "throw away your television" seems to be summing up where im at at the moment.

The next song that caught my eye was "Naked in the Rain" not for the lyrics of this one but because i have always wanted to have passionate sex in a thunderstorm with that warm summer rain and the raw sounds of nature bursting all around.

The edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean with the dark clouds and lightning, the crest of a mountain or a tropical rain forrest with the trees rustling from the wind... Probably too much information for some people who know me - oh well hehehe

When was the last time you put on a song full of energy and danced to your own beat whilst no-one is there to judge, drawn your mind to the moment and not thought about it, just threw yourself about and not cared. If its been a while or you have never done i would suggest doing it soon... Till next time - big hugs

Lost or hidden?

2006-05-04T18:22:00.000+10:00

Well its been a while since I wrote and I seem to be over my illness... except the fatigue remains, it lingers day in and day out, OH GOD IM BORED... am I waiting or am I searching. I'm feeling like a drone and most of the time I have a sense that I have lost my identity and feel I don't belong anywhere and yet this may not be a bad thing. My day feels very robotic and the world around me plastic and fake no matter how much spark I just cant seem to get the fire hot enough to melt the plastic. The hectic pace of 3D time is back - the days seem shorter and shorter and again its seems my life has been reduced to work and sleep, OH GOD IM BORED!!!

Well what a cleansing feeling that was to release.

Today i felt someone elses pain, almost overwhelming; a friend sobbed into my shoulder and it felt i was feeling her emotions as if they were mine - anger, confusion mixed with pain and yet a sort of relief that someone was listening. I really hope she takes a stand against the problem and hopefully she is ready to change her situation, she deserves better. Her man is taking advantage and has her is some sort of mental tug of war where she feels trapped not only through fear of what he may do but also i think she fears she has no choice, I told her to kick his lazy arse to the kurb and trust that she will be taken care of yet even as i said it i knew deep down this is easier said than done... Unfortunately i feel that i can only send her love and best wishes for it is her journey and only she can know whats right for her.

Well, one more day at the office and i have 2 days parole to lavish myself with freedom and need to get off my lazy butt and do something to get myself out of the boring beige colored hole im in. Im thinking of heading out to see my little nephews and niece and letting my inner child loose with a day of running, screaming, playing... please hold caller!!! Cool, just called my brother and will most likely go and watch my nephews play footy sunday :) now saturday is mine... im picturing a peaceful country outing or a least an out of the city experience to boost the energy stores again :)

Till next time i leave you with a big huge hug xxx

What Now?

2006-04-20T20:44:00.000+10:00

I went to work today but i dont think i was really there, I still ache all over and i could not concentrate so i came home soaked away the aches in a hot bath and snuggled in bed to watch a movie "the notebook" Great movie! one that can make you laugh one minute and cry the next... I cant tell you very much about it without giving to much away, i thought it was worth a watch for the second time, especially when your sensitive and emotional :)

Dense Aching

2006-04-19T10:46:00.000+10:00

I feel like shit as all my muscles and bones ache, its like the worst come down ever. My weekend away created such a high vibration through me, I felt lifted and lite but now I feel dense bloated and heavy. How do you hold the high that nature gives when the 3d world drags your carcass back into the ego reality?

Intro

2006-04-18T19:44:00.000+10:00

Hi All A friend of mine introduced me to her personal blog today and well I decided to start one of my own, thanks Mel. I have not given much thought as to what I will write or how often; probably just when I feel like it would be fair dont you think!

The weekend just gone opened me to a beautiful space in Victoria called Freeburgh just outside of Bright. Nestled in the heart of the alpine centre; We stayed at the Freeburgh Cabins and Caravan Park (see link) which is run by David and Andreia Collins, two very beautiful people, even when they were flat out all weekend they always found time to smile and help their guests. This stood out for me, it was hard work for them but they seemed to love it. If you ever have a long weekend and want to relax and spend some time with nature; the park has a river running right through it and has lots of space to pitch a tent or you can stay in one of the self contained cabins if it’s more to your liking. This gorgeous place is well worth the 3-4 hr drive out of Melbourne and there is a heap to do or nothing to do – your choice.

I met a group of Alpacas living underneath a mountain and watched an eagle soar above as the emus relaxed in the shade and a wallaby darted off into the bush. We had one of the most delicious meals I have had in such a long time at the Big Shed Café in Smoko; yes this is the name of the town! (Lots of tobacco fields). I had an amazing vegetarian risotto followed by a huge slice of banana cake that took 2 sittings to finish, everything was sooooo very fresh, and no café in Melbourne even comes close.

Its weekends like this that show me that time can be slowed as long as you’re willing to let it (or make it). The pictures don’t say as much as the real thing, next time you have a spare weekend (maybe make it a long one) and break the mould.